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Learning not to feel guilty [Nov. 7th, 2005|11:43 pm]
Celebrate Recovery


[mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[music |MercyMe - The Change Inside of Me]

Cross-posted to celeb_recovery and my personal LJ:

I went out to Celebrate Recovery at Northway Fellowship tonight, and I realized some things about my inability to keep the rules.

Tonight I need to let go of feeling guilty about loving people too much - coloring outside the lines, stepping out of my place. I broke the rules at CR tonight and engaged in cross-talk with S., because my heart went out to her, in a way that rose up inside me so powerfully that I could not hold back. Ever since I started with CR at Fulmont two years ago, I have had this overflow of all of the love that I want to give to jesusochild and freedbyjc2003 and scotspiper84, that can't be expressed to them nearly as much as I want, but that refuses to stay locked up inside me, and insists on finding someone else to love.

I shouldn't have engaged in cross-talk. That was wrong. But I need to remind myself, as I feel so guilty about it, that it isn't wrong to feel love for people. It isn't wrong for me to want to help the people who are in my life now, and the people I miss so much and feel I may have lost, and the new people who enter my life each day.

While I was at CR tonight, I heard this song, and it really spoke to me tonight.

The Change Inside of Me

Pardon me

If I've been acting strange

I haven't been myself lately

What you see

Is a person rearranged

Someone affected me greatly

And I've got so much to say

Ever since Jesus looked my way

Gonna raise my voice like thunder

And leave the world in wonder of the change

The change inside of me

And I will never stop believing

That you are the reason for this change

The change inside of me


I'm taking in the view

Of His glory around me

I'm awake

And I have been made new

By the One who has found me

Words just can't say enough

When all I can feel is love

Your life You gave for mine to save

Its nothing less than a miracle

Your name I praise, because the change

Inside of me is so beautiful